The Manda Looks Forward to the Burn Notice Season Premiere

Some people will tell you that drinking games are passe, and they may be right. At the same time, a good drinking game can create camraderie among members of your team and allow them to show off what they know in a relaxed setting, and they're a good way to celebrate the season premiere of a show you really enjoy.

When you're developing a drinking game, it's important to work within the ouevre of the show itself, capitalizing on the in-jokes and recurring plot points as much as possible. It's also important to choose the right beverage. In this case, the game's creators (K-Rock, NayNay and The Manda) suggest a nice mojito. Bottled beer will do in a pinch. And if you don't drink alcohol, we recommend a yogurt-based smoothie-- perhaps mango.

When you see one of these things happen in the show, you drink once:

-- voiceover explaining a trick of the spy trade (twice if the voiceover begins, "When you're a spy...")
-- montage of sexy beach people in Miami
-- Sam refers to a "special lady" (twice if it's a buddy who turns out to be female)
-- Fiona makes reference to buying shoes
-- Sam orders a mojito
-- An actual U.S. government employee appears on camera
-- Michael eats yogurt (twice if someone else eats Michael's yogurt; three times if the yogurt in question was Michael's last)
-- Madeline complains about Michael not calling or coming to visit
-- Caption appears at the bottom of the screen (twice if the caption then changes to accomodate a comment from one of the characters)
-- Reference to Eastern Europe or Afghanistan
-- Shirtless Michael

Other mandatory double drinks include:
-- Michael actually kills someone himself
-- Someone uses or modifies a cellphone for a non-calling purpose
-- Michael and Fiona kiss

And the triple drink:
-- Michael and Fiona have sex

Author's Note: This game is intended for entertainment purposes only. K Rock and I tried it out and got about halfway through a single episode before one of us-- I'm not saying it was me, but it was probably me-- had to go away for some alone time with the toilet bowl. Proceed with caution.

The Manda Attempts to Improve Her Home (Update)

So literally minutes after giving up on The Other Local Home Improvement Warehouse, I got a callback from an HVAC (heating, venting and air conditioning) dude a friend from work had recommended. "Hi Amanda, are you home? I can come out and have a look this afternoon."

And NOW I have an estimate for new furnace and central air that I believe to be reasonable, based on my research and a contractor who seems like a nice enough fellow (who kinda resembles the guy who plays Owen on "Grey's Anatomy"). I can have this system installed next week and relax in cool, pollen-free comfort.

Yay! I'm getting air conditioning! Yay!

The Manda Attempts to Improve Her Home

The Other Local Home Improvement Warehouse has me on hold. I've been on hold for about 15 minutes, and my cellphone is running out of battery power, but I'm getting desperate here. This is about the fifth call I've made today in an attempt to get estimates on what it will cost to install central air here at Little Blue.

"No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater-- than central air," or so Kevin Smith told us in Dogma.

I can buy that.

But getting a contractor to return a phone call seems to require an act of God hisownself. And while I like to think we're on speaking terms, I'm not sure my karma is good enough to call in that kind of favor. (I have an eclectic theology.)

So anyway, I'm calling all these people, and hoping they'll call me back and we can pencil something in. It's like dating, but at least I have hope that I'll end up with something useful when it's all over.

And don't even get me started on the landscaping. Really, don't. Conversations about landscaping have led me to nearly decapitate reasonably nice people (this is metaphorical decapitation, though, so don't call the cops or anything, either). My "green" mower is fine, but for the space I'm dealing with, I need to call in a pro to get this all under control. And I'm thinking of getting a mower that is decidedly less green because it's all just beyond me; I assume this is how parents of infants feel when they realize that Huggies are so much easier than cloth diapers.

Yes, I know I'm part of the problem.

I'm taking some solace in knowing that at least my yard is currently friendly to my local wildlife, or as the Humane Scoiety calls them, my "wild neighbors." So if anyone asks, I can claim I'm humane, not just lazy.

Wild neighbors means something different here in the 'burbs than it did in the city. I've traded the crazy girl (in the next building over) who woke up my deaf cat with the sound of her slamming doors and shrieking at her boyfriend in the alleyway for bunnies and the resident skunk.

The garageless garage band has been replaced by a groundhog whom I mistook for an otter on first sighting. And the thing is, if my "meadow" in the backyard is appealing enough, then maybe the groundhog will stay in my yard, near his home under the shed. Maybe he won't wander over to my next door neighbor's garden and get himself shot.

I guess a retired dude on his deck with a shotgun and a beer qualifies as a wild neighbor as well.