The Manda Swears She is NOT Making This Up

My dad used to listen to NASCAR on the radio.

Yeah. That's right. NASCAR. On the radio.

For a long time, I couldn't think of anything more useless than broadcasting an auto race on the radio.

Then, Weekend Edition on NPR brought an even more useless broadcast on Saturday morning: wine tasting on the radio.

Yeah. That's right. NPR. Not The Onion. Not Saturday Night Live.

The broadcast, which featured four varieties of Port included the following "joke":

SIMON: And why don't we start there with the Australian port. This is Whiskey(ph) Blake Classic Tawny.

Mr. VAYNERCHUK: Yes. And this comes from...

SIMON: By the way, that happens to be the name of the young woman I took to the junior prom.

Oh, Mr. Simon, you're so very droll!

And then there was this golden word choice:

Mr. VAYNERCHUK: So let's give it a sniffy sniff.

That really just happened. Someone said "sniffy sniff" on live radio. These are our tax dollars at work, people.

But that's not the funny part. The funny part happened when these guys started talking about football:

Mr. VAYNERCHUK: By the way, very common. And more importantly, I mean this is really, you know, because it does have a little bit of the higher alcohol content, this is really - for example, are you a Bears fan?

SIMON: Am I Bears fan? You know that. Of course.

Mr. VAYNERCHUK: So you don't mind...

SIMON: If you open my veins, it'll be blue and orange.

Mr. VAYNERCHUK: I know. I know.

SIMON: Yeah. Yeah.

Mr. VAYNERCHUK: So as you know, my Jets are playing your Bears the day after Christmas this year.

SIMON: Yes, I know.

Mr. VAYNERCHUK: And it's a big game for both of us. And it's going to be cold. And it'll probably be snowy. And for everybody that's going to Soldier Field, you know, this is the kind of wine you want to have at your tailgate, because it will warm you up. So this is really very time sensitive.

I think way too many people - port's a little bit out of fashion, Scott. You know, port was very, very big 30, 40 years ago. It's calmed down quite a bit. And I think there needs to be a resurgence, because there's a lot of stuff - we have a 10-year-old pawny(ph) port here. We have a late bottled vintage port here. And then we have the classic thing that most people think of port where you buy a 50, you know, something that's 50 to 150 bucks a bottle, which is a vintage port.

Why don't we try the Quinta Do Noval, because I know we don't have unlimited time. And I want you to try this. It's very special.

Yes. That's right. They're suggesting Port. For tailgating. You should try this. It will match your sweatshirt which reads "Pretentious Douchebag." And Port is reasonably strong, so maybe you won't feel it so much when some burly guys kick your ass... for drinking PORT AT A TAILGATE.

I wonder what kind of Port goes with stadium cheese and hot dogs....

The quotes above don't really do this justice. In case you missed the link above, to listen to the broadcast, click here.