Notes from The Fun Car*
Today's post contains adult language. Sorry, Mom.

The best part of a road trip with friends is the dialogue that emerges on the road. 18-21 hours together in a car can make anyone punchy. Here are some highlights. We wrote them down.

*The other thing about a road trip this long is that there is no fun car. After about 45 minutes you just want to be there already. I've omitted the slap fighting and threats to turn this car around, little missy.

Running into traffic at the Delaware Tolls:
The Manda: *sounds from Primal Scream Therapy*
Special K: We used to be the fun car. Now we're the angry car, fueled by resentment and broken dreams.
The Manda: Balls!
The Suz: I guarantee this is all caused by one asshole who had to cut over to pay cash.
The Manda: Dear Delaware: Suck it! Love, Manda.


Crossing the Delaware Bridge and seeing the phone number for the "Crisis Hotline:"
The Manda: I want to call that number. I'm having a crisis. (Holds hand to ear, phone-style) 'Hello? No, I'm not going to jump. I just don't know what I want to do with my life. And I've been in the car since Thursday! Homeless? No, I have a home. That's part of the problem...'

On the New Jersey Turnpike and Garden State Parkway:
Special K: Welcome to New Jersey?
Manda: It seems right to listen to hair metal in New Jersey.... Oooh. Write that down!
Special K: We need more cowbell.
Manda: We need more Van Halen.
Special K: David Lee Roth is our co-pilot.
(Hitting traffic on the Parkway, after switching to another playlist)
Special K: WTF? The Van Halen was protecting us.
Manda: I got Def Leppard's greatest hits somewhere in the CD box.
(At the next tollbooth)
Manda: I'm paying the state of New Jersey to take away the sanity I just rallied for.
(Rolling out of the tollbooth and resuming normal speed)
Special K: There is traffic magic in the hair band. (To stereo) OK, I will pour some sugar on you if you would just get the traffic moving.
(Power ballad comes on. Manda hits Forward)
The Manda: The first rule of traffic is no power ballads.
Special K: The second rule of traffic is never talk about the first rule.

Entering Connecticut
Special K: Welcome to Connecticut. Michael Hutchence is now our co-pilot.
The Manda: Welcome to New England. Take your mini van and get the fuck out of our way.

Passing a power line with the big multicolored balls on it
The Suz: I've always wondered what those big balls on power lines were for.
Special K: Maybe they're to keep birds off. Maybe they're electric balls.
The Manda: Ooh! Electric Balls. That's a great name for a funk band. 'Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Electric Balls!'....Write that down.

A Billboard near New Haven:
Special K: Exxxotic Haloween Costumes. See how they spelled exxxotic with three x's. Sexy.
The Manda: And classy.

Entering Rhode Island:
Special K: Rhode Island is neither a rhode nor an island. Discuss.

The Suz lending her usual critical analysis of pop music.

The Suz on Journey's "Separate Ways": So this is about some guy who had a one night stand with a woman and now he's sitting around in some sad little room in case she leaves the other guy she's with? This song is kind of pathetic.
Manda and Special K: Yeah, but it rocks!

The Suz on The Who's classic "Behind Blue Eyes": This is not a happy song.
The Manda: Ooh! Ooh! Right. I know this one. 'Oh, I'm so fucked up. Nobody understands how fucked up I am.' I used to know that guy! But he had green eyes...
Special K: Yeah, but it rocks!
The Manda: It does, indeed, rock.