The Manda's Obligatory Valentine's Day Rant

February 14th and the weekend leading into it is a typically dismal time of the year if you're single. I don't think it's much less dismal for people who are paired off, either.

If you're single, you get to read articles written by geniuses like this one at the Village Voice. I've been considering offering a reward to anyone who can locate the author of this tripe, sneak up on her, shave her head, and bring me the evidence.

If you're in a couple, you get to feel the pressure to spend money on things like chocolate diamonds or flowers that have been marked up 200% specifically for this occasion. Or you get to live with the knowledge that divorce rates spike this time of year.

Or we can all be made to feel inadequate by the rotation of film selections available to us. HBO has had "He's Just Not That Into You" and "The Proposal" in heavy rotation for the last two weeks. Every time I try to watch a syndicated episode of "How I Met Your Mother" (don't judge me) I see that Lifetime has taken a break from its regularly scheduled fare of movies in which women get beaten up to show movies in which women meet an improbable Mr. Right in an improbable manner in an improbable location. Hallmark Channel (has anything ever been less necessary?) is following suit.

But all is not lost. First, the local supermarket didn't make me wait until Tuesday to slash their prices on bags of tiny Snickers. And then I come home, and it turns out there IS a channel on basic cable that understands who I am. AMC featured "The Godfather" last night-- three times. And tonight, they're showing "The Godfather Part Two" three times. And for the main event tomorrow, they're showing "The Shawshank Redemption" twice. Then they're showing it in prime time for three more days.

If that's not enough, TNT is airing "Fight Club."

Sure, I own all of these movies on DVD. I can watch them whenever I want. But there's something special about knowing that there's a network out there willing to save me the extra effort of loading the DVD player and locating the remote. It's a beautiful thing when someone out there anticipates your needs and fulfills them without you even asking. It's a special kind of treat that fills my heart with blood.

And if that's not enough for you, take solace in knowing the Playboy Mansion is getting a visit from the health department.