I guess it was only a matter of time. I live in a city that houses pound for pound the meanest people on the planet. And this is not an uninformed opinion. I've seen a lot of the planet.

I lost my bankcard last week-- turns out I left it at the convenience store up the street and they gave it back the next time I was in the store, but that's not the issue here-- the issue is my bank.

I reported the lost card. They issued me a replacement. The replacement arrived. The letter that came with the replacement card said all I'd have to do was use the card at an ATM.

What they neglected to tell me was that they were also reissuing my PIN. This would have been helpful information.

I went to the bank on Saturday at 12:55. The branch had locked their doors, even though they didn't close until 1:00. I did not expect the ATM to reject my new card, as I was unaware of the PIN stipulations. So when I pecked on the glass window at 12:58 I was hoping against hope that the nice people inside might take pity on me and help me out.

The man that came to the door told me we wouldn't-- not couldn't, wouldn't-- help me because they were closed and that I should call the toll-free number on the back of my ATM receipt.

I made the call. In the process I also managed to reveal my social security number and mother's maiden name to the guy using the maching in the vestible at the time. The operator who took my call politely told me that he was very sorry but the branch office was authorized to issue me a new PIn, but he was not.

So I hung up the phone and tapped on the window again.

The man at the bank yelled at me that they were closed and he couldn't help me.

Perhaps I was aggressive in the way I placed my hand on the door when he opened it. I thought I was just leaning there.

Perhaps I was intimidating in the way that I asked him what time the branch would open on Monday.

It's possible.

He yelled at me to let go of the door-- presumably afraid that, being denied my PIN, I would rampage right into the vault and begin stuffing my pockets.

To my knowledge there are no federal regulations regarding placing one's hand on a door and asking a question about opening tme of a business.

Perhaps he thought I was going to kick him repeatedly in the dingding.

I thought about it. I won't lie.

But I was already late for lunch.

I'll be going in on Monday morning not to get a new PIN, but to close my account. They will ask why, and I'll point and say, "Yeah, you don't get to keep my money anymore because of that guy."

And that's petty. But so was he.

I'm not upset that he couldn't give me a new PIN. The guy on the phone couldn't give me a new PIN and his dingding is in no immediate danger. I am upset that it is acceptable for people in a service oriented society to treat the people they're supposed to be serving so poorly. So I issue the following rules:

1) Don't lock your doors before closing. I know it's a pain in the ass to deal with people who wander in at the last minute. But if you want to close at 12:55 then post 12:55 in your window.

2) Don't assume you're on a first name basis with me.

3) It's not necessary to act as if I might possibly kick your ass unless you know that your behavior is an ass-kickable offense. And if you know that, then you might want to change that behavior.

4) A smile and an I'm sorry go a long way-- even if it's not sincere.

In other words, I think all service personnel should go to service personnel boot camp in the South, so they can learn the fine art and craft of trating the public like shit without the public being any the wiser.